Asking Eric: Fitness class nemesis won’t stop boring

Dear Eric: I am a recently retired woman who appreciates my morning routine at the gym. I love group exercise classes. My issue is with a woman who insists on counting very loudly with the teacher, singing loudly to the music and thinking she is having fun during class.

He does this twice a week in each class. For the first few months of classes I let it slide. I finally, diplomatically, took her aside and told her that her counting and singing out loud was distracting some of our class.

I told her she should stop but only with the volume she uses because some of us find it confusing, especially during our balance exercises. She did not believe that I would tell her this and told some friends in the class.

I’m not the only one who doesn’t appreciate her attitude. She has been classically in class ever since and when she arrives, she is still counting, singing and now yelling, “Did I lose?” What else can you suggest other than grin and bear it?

– The Enemy of the Count

Dear Account Enemy: Wow, this is very encouraging. And her answer? yes. What you did is what I would recommend to anyone else in your situation – you spoke clearly about your experience; You are fair and not demanding. For her to respond with childish jokes suggests that something else is going on with her. Something that could be beyond diplomatic.

Since he is, presumably, paying his gym dues and presumably, such behavior is not clearly against the rules of the gym, your hands are somewhat tied. However, I will talk to the teacher, express my dissatisfaction and ask for help. They may have a little more leverage to keep the class in line.

Dear Eric: My husband’s friend recently started kissing me on the lips when greeting me. This had never happened before in all the years we had known each other. I don’t like it. His lips are cold and dry. My husband does not kiss his wife in greeting. How can I stop without hurting his feelings?

– Forced to smile

Dear Obedience: His feelings are his responsibility in this case. You can and should be clear with him about where he crosses the line. What is most important is that you can express your bodily autonomy and be heard and respected.

So tell him: “I noticed you started kissing me on the lips, I’m not comfortable with that, I want to greet each other instead.” And here you can choose a greeting that makes you most comfortable – a hug, a handshake, a wave.

You don’t have to kiss him, if you don’t want to kiss him. You don’t need to be touched, if you don’t want to be touched. After you have revealed yourself, ask him if he understands. If he does this again, after agreeing to stop, you will know that you have trust issues with this person, and you will need to put more physical distance between you.

Dear Eric: This is a reference to “Ruffled by the Guest”, who invited a new acquaintance to dinner and was annoyed that the acquaintance was not very responsive in conversation. Great question from a reader and your answer was very helpful to the author.

During my 42 year career I have held CEO and President level individuals for multi-billion dollar companies.

My biggest learning came from a CEO in 1988. While talking to him to understand his role in the investigation complaint, he told me, “Meeting someone new brings interview skills to conversational skills.”

It sounded to me, the host of the party first continued to ask questions like an interviewer. The guests don’t seem to understand that the purpose of lunch is to be friends rather than a nice little meal.