Dear Eric: I am a recently retired woman who appreciates my morning routine at the gym. I love group exercise classes. My issue is with a woman who insists on counting very loudly with the teacher, singing loudly to the music and thinking she is having fun during class.
He does this twice a week in each class. For the first few months of classes I let it slide. I finally, diplomatically, took her aside and told her that her counting and singing out loud was distracting some of our class.
I told her she should stop but only with the volume she uses because some of us find it confusing, especially during our balance exercises. She did not believe that I would tell her this and told some friends in the class.
I’m not the only one who doesn’t appreciate her attitude. She has been classically in class ever since and when she arrives, she is still counting, singing and now yelling, “Did I lose?” What else can you suggest other than grin and bear it?
– The Enemy of the Count
Dear Account Enemy: Wow, this is very encouraging. And her answer? yes. What you did is what I would recommend to anyone else in your situation – you spoke clearly about your experience; You are fair and not demanding. For her to respond with childish jokes suggests that something else is going on with her. Something that could be beyond diplomatic.
Since he is, presumably, paying his gym dues and presumably, such behavior is not clearly against the rules of the gym, your hands are somewhat tied. However, I will talk to the teacher, express my dissatisfaction and ask for help. They may have a little more leverage to keep the class in line.
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Dear Eric: This is a reference to “Raffled by the Guest,” who invited a new acquaintance to dinner and was annoyed that the acquaintance was not very responsive in conversation. Great question from a reader and your answer was very helpful to the author.
During my 42 year career I have held CEO and President level individuals for multi-billion dollar companies.
My biggest learning came from a CEO in 1988. While talking to him to understand his role in the investigation complaint, he told me, “Meeting someone new brings interview skills to conversational skills.”
It sounded to me, the host of the party first continued to ask questions like an interviewer. The guests don’t seem to understand that the purpose of lunch is to be friends rather than a nice little meal.
Thanks for considering a different perspective.
– Communication is key
Dear Communication: Determining whether you are conducting an interview (or subject) or a conversation is an important distinction. There’s nothing wrong with either, but sometimes we feel like we’re not getting what we want from an interview and it’s helpful to stop and ask, “Am I really interviewing?” Now, of course, it takes two to negotiate. Sometimes the other person just isn’t involved. It could be about the web and connection, or it could be context related. This brings me to your second point – when hosting, it’s helpful to be clear about what your hopes and intentions are for the event, and to make room for other people’s hopes and intentions. There’s nothing wrong with bringing it up: “I wish I had all of you so we could be good friends.”
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas eric@askingeric.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him Instagram And sign up for his weekly newsletter rericthomas.com.)
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